I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
