I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
