I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
