She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
