pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
