I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Floor bacon is actually really good
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
