she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
