So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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