That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
