shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
