just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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