your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Randomize
