I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
