mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
