Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wear drunk well.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
