Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
