I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
