tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
