if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
