i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
