Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
