New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
