I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
