Me too!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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