you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
