Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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