My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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