By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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