How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
