Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
