there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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