literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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