i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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