I just threw up on my dentist
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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