The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
