I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
