Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
