she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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