dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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