My room smells like vodka and shame
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
