My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
