i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
