I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
