My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
MIDGETS
????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
