I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
