I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
