This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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