Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
