he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
