I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
