youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize