It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
