i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
