Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
