how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
