Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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