Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize