I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
