Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
