i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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