zippers are such a cool invention
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
