im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
