First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
