dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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