She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize