i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
