so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i will never coherently bang her
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
