last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
