is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
