I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my mouth tastes like poor choices
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
