Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
