If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
